Mark Twain drank scotch every night to prevent toothaches, which as a cheap beer-drinking tourist who can’t afford scotch, I put down as the reason for my early morning trip to an emergency dental clinic in Zadar hours before we were to get a bus out of town. As a result I vowed to drink more scotch whenever possible. Continue reading “Week 6 – The Good, the Bad and the Orgy”
The 10.5 hour bus trip to Croatia left 45 minutes late and arrived 30 minutes early. I love the Balkans. Continue reading “Week 5 – Stone the Flamin’ Croats”
Thessaloniki was our last stop in Greece, and on our last night we were graced with the age-old travelling tradition of bed bugs. Continue reading “Week 4 – Buggin’”
Rachel and I left Gem and Nate and headed back to Athens for a night before heading up north. Continue reading “Week 3 – Hera, Harris & Riki”
Our Airbnb at Zacharo was called “Niko’s Palace” and I was conferring with someone named Theo, who informed me his mother would greet us. Continue reading “Week 2 – The Good Will Come”
Calling 2016 the worst year in history is kind of insulting to years like 1943 (peak Holocaust) or 1348 (Black Death) or even that year around 72,000BC when a Sumatran super-volcano erupted and reduced our species population to about 5000. That said, 2016 was absolutely whack, and that’s not including the myriad of beloved celebrity deaths. Continue reading “Most Apocalyptic Moments Of 2016”
– Enthusiastic housemates. I don’t care that you have managed to cross off all the things on your to do list before midday, I really don’t. I don’t care that you actualised your dreams, I really don’t. All I care about is lying here on this couch, in this dark room, eating these end-of-day-discount donuts and watching The Golden Girls. Please take your enthusiasm for life to another room and fuck it if it’s that tangible.
– Whoever the fuck keeps naming Melbourne the world’s most liveable city or whatever. Please stop, my rent is high enough as it is, fuck off and stop making my home expensive. Continue reading “More Things That Can F*#king Eat Me”
As children we all aspire to the absolute unobtainable, our budding imaginations running riot and we believe even the most fantastic things to be true. Kids believe in things we as adults don’t, like mythical creatures and the like, because the idea that they exist is so exciting, so thrilling that believing they aren’t there is unfathomable. As a child you are allowed this imaginative liberty and you don’t even know it. Much like the unreciprocated hum of a crush.
Continue reading “How ‘Bout Them Transparent Dangling Carrots?”
The day is long and hard. The night before was fun and easy, but this day is long and hard. You clutch your sixth cup of caffeine like a junkie clutches to life under a bridge in the rain, and check again to see if the clock was maybe hopefully lying to you. Nope. 10.30am. This 9-5 shit is some other kind of fucked up. The slow ticking of the wall clock exacerbated by the hangover and as you stare at it to will it to go faster, the hands seem to taunt you by doing a slow dance back and forth in time.
Being bitter and jaded isn’t easy, but Edna Krabappel sure made it look like it was. A minor character in The Simpsons, she was given enough stories of her own to make her an integral part of the show and an inspiration to all us cynical and twisted young souls out there, awaiting our first cigarette or glass of red wine. Continue reading “Lest We Forget – Edna Krabappel”
Actually, Harry 