Week 7 – I Don’t Speak German But I Can If You Like

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On the bus to Munich a couple took the seats in front of me. They spent the first couple of hours making those gross smacking noises as they made little kisses on the seats. Even with earplugs in I could hear them expressing their disgusting love. The chair in front of mine also reclined so far I think it might have been broken, because the only thing that stopped it going further was my legs. I felt like Santa with a fat kid on his lap who was playing with himself under his shorts and wouldn’t get off for 7 hours. Continue reading “Week 7 – I Don’t Speak German But I Can If You Like”

Week 6 – The Good, the Bad and the Orgy

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Mark Twain drank scotch every night to prevent toothaches, which as a cheap beer-drinking tourist who can’t afford scotch, I put down as the reason for my early morning trip to an emergency dental clinic in Zadar hours before we were to get a bus out of town. As a result I vowed to drink more scotch whenever possible. Continue reading “Week 6 – The Good, the Bad and the Orgy”

Most Apocalyptic Moments Of 2016

Calling 2016 the worst year in history is kind of insulting to years like 1943 (peak Holocaust) or 1348 (Black Death) or even that year around 72,000BC when a Sumatran super-volcano erupted and reduced our species population to about 5000. That said, 2016 was absolutely whack, and that’s not including the myriad of beloved celebrity deaths. Continue reading “Most Apocalyptic Moments Of 2016”

White Night Workers

White Night is an all night art and culture festival that happens all over the world. This particular night, Melbourne was the host. Going to White Night is amazing and the art and installations you get to see are usually spectacular. Working at White Night can be an exercise in torture. An insane amount of people herded like cattle in and around the city, for the entire night. It doesn’t end. If while navigating that gauntlet of all-night wonderment you have at all spotted the workers and volunteers and wondered what they’re thinking, then this post is for you. Here is a conversation myself and a few of my workmates were having over the course of our 12 hour shifts for White Night. Next time you’re ambling about, lining up for your next amazing slice of culture, spare a thought for the people behind the Night. And remember – that is not a flyer dispensing machine, that is a human person. Don’t cut queues. Don’t be a dick. That lady is using that microphone for crowd control, you can not use it for a “shout out to Brunno” and she is not a “cunt” for denying you so.  It will make no difference if you’re first in line or fifth, I promise. EVERYONE’S tired, you’re not special. Enjoy the night and remember that that dead look behind the eyes of the workers is there because no one gets paid enough to care about your problems.

Continue reading “White Night Workers”